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Survival Instincts

by The Baker Street Irregulars

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    A sleek, digi-pack design featuring lyrics, musicians, and photography designed by graphic artist Al Hidalgo, featuring a cover drawn by artist David Sarallo, with photography by Simon Berdes.

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1.
Daddy I’m afraid that there’s Something underneath the stairs Mommy I’m afraid to go Outside where everybody knows That something inside is wrong And I think I might not have long Before the road that always bends Finally comes to an end Now I can’t fix this on my own like I thought I could Daddy I can’t hear for all the noise I can’t come in with guns a-blazing like I know I should But Mama I’m just your little boy I gotta make some sense Out of the present tense I’ve got a ways to go Before I’m buried in a box of snow If I could only take that step Without using up all my breath If I could only raise my head High enough to see if I’m dead My sheets are stained with sweat and blood and the smell of fear And all the things that Death enjoys A man ain’t never meant to shrink or cry a tear So it’s lucky I’m just your little boy So once I stand and cry With my daddy right by my side I know there’s nothing that I can’t win With my mama holding me again Mama’s gonna take some time To see her baby comes through just fine My daddy’s gonna see it to the end He’s gonna help me stand again Now I can’t fix this on my own like I thought I could Daddy I can’t hear for all the noise I can’t come in with guns a-blazing like I know I should But Mama I’m just your little boy
2.
Devils of mercy, are trying to force me To get a little sleep, get a little unborn It’s a tough contemplation; but I may have to face it I’ll have to get by without me on board I don’t even have to strength to stand up I don’t even know my name anymore I don’t even know if it’s really your footsteps Coming across the Nightingale Floor Wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up Before it’s too late Hallucinations, mental perambulations The smell of bleach and the smell of war Hospital patients congratulate us Doctors just turn their eyes to the floor There’s someone who needs me to be like myself Someone who needs me to fight some more But something else in the blackness and hell Is coming across the Nightingale Floor Wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up We’re just at the gate Please let me sleep Rock me to the edge of fatality Help me step off this glacier and into the cosmic sea But it isn’t in my nature to surrender so easily Something inside me is gonna divide me Who I was and what I’ll be There’s no time for doubting no heretical shouting down Of chemical gods and therapy People are praying and crying enough People are crowding my bedroom door People are waiting for me to wake up And blocking your way ‘cross the Nightingale Floor Get up get up get up get up get up get up There’s no time to wait
3.
Once I was sick – I was down and out There was a little bamboo tree I couldn’t do without My little tree was just this high – but he grew a lot then On summer days we would lie in the shade, on summer nights he’d listen My bamboo tree - he loves me In a land long ago, when I was so much older There was another little bamboo tree but I was so much colder He’d tug my shirt and he’d make me play, but my heart wasn’t in it But now a life without this bamboo tree wouldn’t be worth livin’ My bamboo tree - he loves me They make me smile I’m so glad they were there for me I was lost for a while Now I believe I’ll never be too far away from my little bamboo trees Once upon a time there was a bamboo princess She’d tell me stories of her bamboo land when she’d see me restless We’d sit together as she’d tell her tales of kings & queens & monsters She hugged me tightly with her bamboo arm till I was sick no longer My bamboo tree - she loves me They make me smile I’m so glad they were there for me I was lost for a while Now I believe I’ll never be too far away from my little bamboo trees My little bamboo trees
4.
You make me smile When I least expect it You make me lose my place You make me hold my breath You make me brave You make me quiet Do you feel the same as me? Can you even try it? For many reasons, the change of seasons Makes me sad So little time left in my life Don’t walk/turn away Come live with me my love Come and kiss me twice Come and hold my hand And help me make it through the night.
5.
Her love might be seasonal His love comes in trade My love has no reason But your love still remains. I can’t find my way (without you now) I can’t find my way
6.
A Better Man 02:31
Now I can love you better Now I can hold you close I’ve tried all my life to be strong on my own Now I can dream of us in color I’m surprised I can dream of us at all I might not get it right but I’d like to try Life’s no commodity To trade it in so easily that way There’s never been a darker night Then yesterday when I lost my life But I woke up to a better day I can let you Love me the way you think that I deserve If I walk by your side now I know our way home
7.
When you get to the ledge and there’s nothing to see And the fall was much quicker than you thought it would be Nothing left for you to believe So you sit, and you listen, and you cry and you breathe Two degrees from stardom Six degrees from home I hang on to my loneliness Like a dog on its bone Silver streets are rusted The sky is bitter and chrome Too late my heart has been tested And I have tasted my own soul When you get to the ledge and there’s nothing to see And the fall was much quicker than you thought it would be Nothing left for you to believe So you sit, and you listen, and you cry and you breathe My grandmother prays for me I’ll take all the help I can get She said “God’s will’s a mysterious one, And there’s more work for you yet.” She said “Son I know life’s a tough one, But I know hard times will pass Love is always enough, boy, It’s the only thing that will last.” And I know she’s right I know this life Nobody makes it out alive But it’s worth the fight To see their eyes When I can beat the odds again And make it to tonight When you get to the ledge and there’s nothing to see And the fall was much quicker than you thought it would be Nothing left for you to believe So you sit, and you listen, and you cry and you breathe

about

“These songs represent my battle with stage four cancer from early sickness, to diagnosis and my hospital stay, through chemotherapy and recovery with my family, and finally the brand new possibilities of love and life in my brave new world post-cancer. To the doctors and nurses who saved my life, the musicians who play on this EP, the family and friends who were my support system, and now to you who are listening: my eternal love and thanks.” – McKnight

credits

released March 25, 2021

Survival Instincts
by The Baker Street Irregulars

All words and music by Brian McKnight (ASCAP), Tragical Mirth Music

Produced, arranged and engineered by Brian Sharpe
Additional engineering by Mike Hari

Recorded in Chicago at Sharpe Lodge Recordings; Music Garage Chicago; Fadeout Studio

Thanks: Mike Hari, Pete Falknor, Alex (Wolfman) Winter, Sarah Sharpe, Chris Cinereski

Graphic Design: Al Hidalgo
Cover Drawing, “Survival”: David Sarallo
Photography: Simon Berdes

Copyright 2021

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The Baker Street Irregulars Chicago, Illinois

Somewhere between Plastic Ono and Rolling Thunder, THE BAKER STREET IRREGULARS bring an LGBTQ twist to the classic folk/folk rock/indie milieu. Brian McKnight – the singer/songwriter/multi-instrumentalist at the center of this one-man-band – enlists the aid of the occasional musician (thus the irregular line-up) to record original songs that are at once deeply personal and entirely universal. ... more

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